I'm Backkk...for now

I'm back...before another brief hiatus unfortunately. My surgery got moved up to December 5 so I'll have to take a few days (a week?) off then to recover and won't be able to work out. Keep me in your thoughts and prayers. :)

Everything has been going well. I've been working out with a personal trainer every week this month and it has really been changing my body and my workouts. He has taught me so many things that I would never have thought of doing on my own. I highly suggest seeing a personal trainer at least once to switch up your routine and to challenge your body. After this month I'll only be seeing him 1x a month and then if I want I can add on more sessions.

So some surprising news. About 2 years ago my cousin was visiting. She is 33 now with one child who is 4. She has been working out a TON (2x a day everyday) and lost a TON of weight. She was never big, but always average at 5'8". Well, when she came to visit us 2 years ago (I have seen her since, but the incident occurred around then) she had already lost about 20 pounds and was looking skinny, but I noticed she was eating a TON. She was never naturally thin--so I kept wondering what she was doing with the whole quesadilla she ate, 3 cookies and tons of snacks. Then it dawned on me--she's bullemic. I told my Mom that day that I thought she was bullemic and my Mom thought I was nuts. Well, apparently she went from bullemic to anorexic by the time she turned 32. She couldn't handle getting older and wanted to get really skinny. She has even refused to have more children (because she doesn't want to gain weight). She was put in the hospital for bronchitis, or so we thought, a few weeks ago. Turns out it was because her purging had actually been burning her esophagus. Ewww...

It makes me so sad to see someone do this to themselves. As unhappy as I am with my body I know I can fix it by working out more/eating less bad food and taking care of my body. It makes me sad to see someone who is so beautiful having so many body image issues. The odd thing is...she always acts like she has her whole life together and like she is (pardon the french) "the shit." It really surprised me.

Anyways, that is the new family stuff. In happier news, Sam officially proposed on 11/14/08! :) We haven't told his famil yet...he is going later this week to tell them. He has MAJOR issues with them, which I won't get into on here, but it's pretty ricidulous. I'm so excitied to marry him and to spend the rest of our lives together. :)

I hope everyone is having a great week. Hopefully we'll all drop 1 pound this week.

xoxo

Hiatus

Sorry my posts have been less frequent. My Grandma has been sick for the past 5 years suffering from mini-strokes and having these delusions. She gets kind of violent throwing things after the stroke thinking she saw things she didn't see, etc. Last year her husband and my step-grandfather, Jim, put her in the nursing home because she was having them so frequently and was going off on him. Last Sunday she got up in the middle of the night and fell breaking both of her hips and suffering another mini-stroke.

They rushed her to the ER where she suffered a massive stroke at some point and went into a coma. My Dad immediately drove there to be with her but Mom and I stayed behind because she had work and I had school and we didn't know what was going to happen.

Dad called us that night and let us know that the stroke had been too massive and too much for her 85-year-old body. He said she would probably never wake up from it and that he thought the stroke was so bad that she was brain dead.

Throughout the week they moved her body and would roll her over so that she would not get fluid in her lungs... I would think that would hurt laying on a broken hip on either side, but I don't know.

Finally they decided to give her morphine medicine (even though her medical records indicate she is allergic) because she had a rattle in her throat. On Tuesday the Dr. told my Dad they were going to take her off of IV's because she was going to die and that would speed things up (I still have a serious problem with this...no one should ever be deprived of fluids).

On Friday she passed away. It's been a long week. She's had so many problems for the past five years and with her age I guess I'm not as upset as I was when my Grandfather died. Also, as the strokes happened more often and her temper came out she turned into someone I didn't know. When she wasn't having the strokes she was so exhausted and slept all the time.

It feels so weird...I was not very close with any of my Dad's family because all that was left was his Mom and one other brother and they both lived far away. Dad kinda adopted my Mom's family and felt a closer connection to them so that is always where we went. I'm still sad and I cried for awhile about Grandma, but I'm glad she is in Heaven and finally at peace.

Sadly I couldn't go to the funeral because I have finals this week. My parents thought it would be best if I stayed behind to study for my finals and my Praxis. I'm kind of glad I didn't go.... please don't get me wrong when I say this, but I have a hard time at funerals as is and my Grandma converted to Mormonism when she was in her 60's and it has been something my family and I have never understood. I didn't have a problem with her practicing or anything, but it is something that my family doesn't really condone. I think I was also worried about how different/awkward the funeral may be.

So that was my sad week.

I probably won't post this week because of finals and my Praxis exam.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers if you don't mind.

Doctor's Exam

So for those of you that were interested or wanted an update I'd thought I'd post.

My obgyn has serious issues with being on time. Last month when I was there for my checkup she was running two hours behind (luckily I was only seeing the nurse). However, this time I had to see her because she was doing an ultrasound on my ovaries, etc. I waited 2 1/2 hours for her! For 1 hour I was in the exam room in that stupid hospital gown freezing my butt off. Grrr

Anyways, she wants me to have a lapriscopy (sp?) to see if it is endometriosis. I really hope it is not. No one in my family has it, but hopefully if that is what it is...hopefully we caught it early enough so that I won't have fertility problems. So I'll have to be put to sleep and everything.

It just sucks that they have to be so invasive and still not know if I actually have this. I mean, what if they get in there and then they don't see anything? So then I just have really bad cramps? It just seems so silly. I wish there was another way they could find out if I had it. The good news is is that if I do have it they can laser it off while they are in there. :)

I scheduled the appointment for in January. I figured that way the holidays will be over and most of the wedding planning will be done. :)

She did a pap smear today too. Owww I have NEVER had one done! Clearly, being a virgin...I've never had anything down there so even the pediatric spectrum hurt. I seriously cried. I never cry at the doctor but it hurt so bad. Afterwards she did the ultrasound on my ovaries and didn't see any cysts.

So that was it! My lovely 2 1/2 hour appointment. Hoepfully we figure out what is going on and take care of it in January.

Wedding Planning

It's been a crazy week. As I said earlier, I know Sam is proposing this week. My parents are close with him and know that too but wanted me to start looking at reception venues and at photographers and get things booked. So this past week has been insane and I have just been calling hundreds of people.

Good news is I found a great place for the reception. It is a local very nice restaurant here in town (well known in the state). My Dad can pick what packages of food he wants to have at the restaurant. They have a beautiful mahogeny paneled room with mirrors scattered about. All of the tables are big and round and seat about 8 people. I think it'll be perfect. We're going to serve people an actual dinner (rather than a buffet) and have open bar so they can have whatever they want to drink. Dad picked the menu they could chose from and I was suprised he is letting people pick lobster or sirloin steak, etc. I think it'll be a great night overall. Because it is a restaurant we do not have a "reception" fee to rent out the space so the overall cost will be around $3,500 for food and open bar! You can't beat that.

I also got the photographer booked. Most photographers are ridiculous and run around $4,000 from what I have found in my area (I looked at 40 photographers!). I found one whose pictures are amazing and she is only $1,600 because it is her first year in the business. I am really excitied! Plus, in that cost you get a CD of all the pictures (you usually pay extra for this) a photo album of 150-200 pictures, engagement photos as well as coverage of your bridal ceremony and reception. You can't beat that price! Seriously...Sam and I are going to have our engagement photos done during Thanksgiving at a local horse race track here in town that is very popular. (I'm in Kentucky) :)

Those are the two big things I've done this week. I'm not going to go dress shopping still probably the first of January because my Mom is complaining since I've been working out and working out with a trainer she doesn't want to have to buy a dress now and take it in 2 or 3 sizes and then the shape changes on the dress and I don't like it, etc. For a July wedding I think we are still okay to wait until January. I might go try some on during Christmas just for fun and to get some ideas about what I like.

Oh...I did find a makeup artist! I wanted to find one for our engagement pictures, bridal portraits, and for the wedding day. I am so excitied! I am waiting for her to call me back about her rates but I am sure I will pay whatever it is because I want to look great in my photos. Her makeup is not like normal makeup where you go to the mall and have your makeup done. She uses an airbrush application and uses professional makeup that they use in photography and movies. It helps when taking photos so that way the light is not bouncing off of your skin. It just completely changes the way your pictures look.

In other news, I have been eating really healthfully and am done 1 more pound. 172 now...I'm getting so excitied!

I have to go have a mini-surgery done today so I probably won't be back online for awhile again. It's kind of embarassing but I'll share anyway...I'm a virgin and I'm having horrible pains down there. I can't even use a tampon. So my Doctor wants to look at my ovaries to see what is going on. There is a good chance it is a sign of infertility (although no one else in my family has it) because I have these horrible hip pains. On top of that, since I am a virgin and because I can't use a tampon and am apparently that small inside the Dr was thinking about performing a hymectomy on me today and actually breaking my hymen. I'm a little nervous and thinking I'm going to be in a lot of pain...we'll see.