So, how'd you get fat?

So many of you may wonder how I got this way. I have had a battle with my weight all my life. Like any fat kid I was teased and bullied when I was younger for being 10-15 pounds heavier than my peers and so I ate my emotions. I can never really remember stepping on a scale and accurately recalling my weight when I was younger, but I was definately heavy.

In high school I had a breakthrough. I went in for a physical before the synchronized swimming season was to begin (yes, a fat chick in the water, ha!) and was mortified when I stepped on the scale and saw the number 182 staring back at me. Not only that but my mother had decided to follow me into the room and she was just as shocked as I was. That, of course, was not enough for me to begin my first weight loss journey...

My Grandfather passed away when I was 17 from a heart attack at the age of 72. He was 6'0" and 155 pounds his whole life. However, he was a smoker. Something clicked. I wanted a healthy heart. I didn't even care what the number on the scale said. Instead of getting an after school snack I went straight to the basement to run on the treadmill. I was determined not to binge or give in to what I had craved previously. The scale became my friend. It wasn't a matter of watching the number go up anymore, the number was going down. Moreover, I have never cared more in my life what weight I was because I knew the changes I was making were good for my body. I was running 6 miles a day and weight lifting. I dropped down to about 162 pounds. Then trouble struck yet again...

After three months of being good on my diet I was diagnosed with mono. I was sick in bed for months with headaches and a sore throat. I couldn't get out of bed thus I couldn't even run on the treadmill.

I lost another 10 pounds during those months laying in bed as sick as can be. I am ashamed to say I never went back to the treadmill except for the occasional hit and miss gym workouts. I even worked at a gym (in the daycare mind you), but I walked right past the treadmill and the weights daily. Somehow I managed to maintain my weight around 152 pounds. I even adjusted my eating so that I dropped down to 144 pounds for a few months.

I started dating someone my family did not approve of. I can not tell you how hard this was on me because my family was everything to me. They did not have any real valed reason for not liking this man and so I stuck to my guns. However, I was mentally a wreck. I was crying all of the time and not eating properly. My Dr. put me on several anti-anxiety medications and prescribed Ativan for whenever I was around my family and Ambien so I could finally sleep at night.

I am not blaming the drugs for my weight gain. I knew exactly what was going on. But I had always maintained my weight by stepping on the scale daily and adjusting my food intake to maintain my weight loss. I remember standing on the scale and seeing the 5 pound weight gain. However it never mattered. I was finally happy. The drugs had put me into some sort of state of oblivion. I laid around because they made me happy but zapped much of my energy and left me shakey. I started eating desserts again and slowly the weight continued to creep back on.

This past year I broke up with my boyfriend. I realized that the distance (it was a long distance relationship...he was in Europe and I am in the USA) was coming between us. Meanwhile, I had met someone and was starting to look forward to hanging out with him. I found myself happier than ever and completely stopped taking the anxiety medication cold turkey.

So you can see my weight loss journey. I am not one to point fingers and say the pills made me gain weight, but I was so happy that I couldn't have cared less if I gained 50 pounds.

I have a lot of motivation this time to gain weight. My Dad just had a stint put into his heart and was diagnosed with type 2 Diabetes. He has begun to work out as well in an effort to go off of his medication. Seeing him is an inspiration.

Moreover, I keep thinking about my guardian angel, my Grandfather, watching over me. I know he would be proud of me just for keeping my body healthy.

My soon-to-be fiance is currently in law school and so there are several dances that we'll have to go to. I definately don't want to have to base my outfit on what makes my arms look huge. In addition, we're hoping to get married next year and I want to have plenty of dresses to chose from.

So that's my story. I hope you all will help keep me motivated. Each of your blogs has inspired me to get out and get moving on those days when I want nothing more than to watch TV and relax. So THANK YOU!

Ps. I realized in my last post I posted my weight and my goal weight. For those of you that don't know, my height is 5'3" so I need to be below 140 to have a "normal" BMI.